Monday, February 4, 2008

Six Reasons Why I HATE Winter

I was born and bred a Midwestern girl. I've lived in the same Midwestern state my entire life, despite dreams of escaping to the warmer climes of California on many an occasion.

Alas, when I chose Super Man as my mate, I committed to stay in this state, at least until Super Girl (Super Man's daughter from his first marriage) is grown. What in the sam HELL was I thinking?!?!?

I've passed 33 winters in this state. Yes, you read that correctly: Thirty-three. And I'm not a girl who loves winter. In fact, I'm a girl who despises winter. With every fiber of my being.

Why? I'm happy to share.

Reasons Why I HATE Winter

1. It's cold. Very, very cold. Downright frigid many days, especially when you factor in that stupid thing called "wind chill." Just last week, we had wind chills of 50 below, and regular temps below zero. Are you hearing me, people? Below zero. That's just wrong.

2. We get wayyyyy too much snow every year. And particularly this year. As a matter of fact, we've already gotten as much snow season-to-date as we usually get in an entire average winter. Which in our state pretty much lasts until April.

3. My husband travels on business. Often. Which means I have to blow far more of that snow than I care to. (Can you hear me slitting my wrists?)

4. Everyone is sick, all winter long. I'm not joking about that either. So far - and remember, there's still plenty o' winter left, people - the stomach flu has gone around three times (and I'm the world's biggest emetophobe -- look it up, it is a real word, and a real phobia), the "real" flu (aka: influenza) has hit HARD, and you can't spit without hitting someone with a cold.

Not that I'd do that. Spit on other people, I mean. I'm a huge germophobe, so I would never want to risk having someone actually spit back on me. Yuck.

5. It's dark when we wake up. And it's dark well before 4:30pm. (Daylight Savings Time doesn't last nearly as long as it should, in my humble opinion.) Come to think of it, it's often dark and dreary even when it's supposed to be light out. I have serious Seasonal Affective Disorder, my friends, and they call it "SAD" for a reason!

6. It's cold. And we get way too much snow. And I have to snow blow a lot of it, which is one of my least favorite activities of all time. And I have to endure vomit, snot, fevers and sore throats at least twice - EACH - for the better part of six months because of winter. Did I mention all of that yet?

I dream of warmer days. I cannot wait to put on a pair of shorts (even if I have to wear a sweater, or even my winter jacket, on top), my favorite black Crocs and be outdoors in the sun and have it be even moderately warm. And by that I mean in the upper fifties or sixties. Yep, I'll be that person who will brave the odd stares by wearing shorts the second it gets remotely warm-ish, showing my whiter-than-white legs to the world, goosebumps and all.

I cannot take it anymore, people. I need some sunshine, some warmth. Something other than snow, freezing rain, slush, -50 wind chills.

Gosh darnit, I really hate winter.

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