Friday, November 7, 2008

I Tell People I'm a Writer.

I "officially" left my job earlier this year (although I was physically gone from my workplace starting in March of 2007), and have been a stay-at-home mom ever since. When people ask me what I do, I tell them I'm a SAHM, as well as a blogger and "writer."

Inevitably the next words out of their mouths are, "Oh, really? What do you write?"

Hm. That is a great question...

I say that half in jest. See, I'm one of those writers who has been "working on a novel" for "quite some time," but hasn't quite fully cranked it out yet. In other words, I'm "unpublished."

Hell, that makes me and about a million other yahoos in the U.S. who call themselves "writers."

I know, I get it.

I joke about it, but really it's a source of great embarrassment and humiliation on my part. Because, the truth is, I have been "working on a novel for quite some time." I just can't seem to finish it.

I go in fits and starts. I won't touch the electronic document for literally MONTHS on end, and then all of a sudden one day I'll wake up inspired and I'll write for a few hours for a few days out of a few weeks, making a good 20-30 pages of progress, only to slip back into my months' long writer's block again.

This is physically and mentally painful because I genuinely like the story I'm writing. Most of it, anyway. It's just that it takes so much effort to really move the story forward.

And I still don't know how it's going to end, not even in my own head, much less on paper. That's frustrating. I feel like at least I as the writer should know my beginning, middle and end at this point. Right?

But then there's a part of me that doesn't WANT to define the end just yet. When I'm in the thick of my writing, the story feels alive to me, almost like I'm the character whose voice and experiences I'm communicating, and I'm living it in my mind's eye. And I hate when I know how something is going to end in my own life, so I'm loathe to set those limitations on my fictional pseudo-me either. I want the story to play itself out the way it should, organically, naturally.

Unfortunately, as you may have noticed from some of my lengthier blog posts, that could take awhile! I can ALWAYS find more to say, can describe a setting or an emotional state or whatever in greater detail. At the rate I'm going, this book is going to be 2,000 pages and no one except me (and maybe my mom, because she loves me) will ever read it.

Arrrrrrruuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh.

On that note, I'm off to write some more. I had a flash of inspiration earlier this evening, while doing the dishes with a side order of laundry. With those two scintillating activities for inspiration, the next 20 -30 pages of my novel will no doubt be fascinating.

Ciao!

Oh, and don't forget to check out my contest: Help me pick the color of my new, as-yet-to-be-purchased iPod Nano and win a $15 iTunes gift card!!

2 comments:

  1. You forgot to mention those novellas you send disguised as emails. ;)

    Do you have a publisher? The right one might help inspire you and point you through the writer's block.

    Good luck! You can do it!

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  2. Hey, Wicked Stepmom!

    True, very true, about my novella-ish emails. :) I get that a lot!

    I do NOT have a publisher, but if you know of any, I'd be delighted to make their acquaintance. Anything to help keep me on task and see this thing through!

    Thanks, lady!

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