Super Man and I were hanging out together in the kitchen the other night after dinner when the preview for the movie "Twilight" came on the t.v. I went totally silent and blasted the sound so I could fully experience the preview, and Robert Pattinson, in all their magnificence.
Super Man stared at me with a half exasperated and half amused expression on his face as my face melted into what I can only imagine was the dreamy expression of a pre-adolescent girl crushing on her first celeb.
"Honey," he said, sarcasm dripping in his voice. "What is the deal with this 'Twilight?'"
"Oh, baby...." I murmured, still not tearing my eyes from the t.v. screen. "The books were... amazing. Fantastic. I mean, I didn't think the writing was all that great; in fact, I liked the Harry Potter books much better in terms of the writing. But it's... the story. The love story between the two main characters."
"So, the guy's a vampire? Sounds kind of stupid to me," Super Man said, shaking his head.
"Stupid? No. No, no, no. Definitely NOT stupid. HOT. Hot's what it is," I murmured distractedly as I observed the lovely face of Robert Pattinson smiling and laughing on the screen.
"Oh, okay. So the guy being a vampire is HOT? Seriously?" Super Man asked me, totally skeptical.
"Yes. Yes it is," I insisted stubbornly, finally tearing my eyes from the screen and crossing my arms defensively over my chest.
"WHY is that hot?" he asked, a smug little smile creeping across his face.
"Because it's all just so... impossible. He - Edward Cullen, the vampire - is this incredibly gorgeous, sexy, super strong teenaged vampire, and you get this sense that he's lived a long and very lonely existence, having never had the inclination, or maybe the courage, to bond with a human female in the hundred or so years of his 'life.' And then he meets this human girl, Bella, and is instantly insanely obsessed with her. In part because he lusts after her blood (literally), and in part because she's the first woman in a hundred years to make him feel that way. And though she is at first a little hesitant, because she doesn't really know what his deal is even though she knows he's different, she's also insanely obsessed with him. And once they are both on the same page, it's like this... very delicate dance between them as he tries to love her without killing her and she tries to love him without pushing him over the edge," I explained, the affection I feel for this story evident in every word.
"It's all VERY hot, if you think about it. Remember what it was like to be 17, 18 years old and totally in lust with someone? For two humans, it's all cool - you can do what you want and really not think about it all that much. But for these two, if he lets himself get carried away, he could literally crush her, or accidentally bite her and kill her, you know? I mean, even just kissing her is dangerous because he's got venom on his teeth, so he's got to be careful even then," I gasped, thrilling at the danger of it all.
Super Man looked at me like I'd sprouted a second head. I ignored him and went on rhapsodizing.
"And THEN, they start to realize - especially Bella - that while he will forever be 17 years old and impossibly perfect and beautiful, she will continue to age, and she worries that eventually he won't want to be with her anymore when their age difference makes it impossible to continue. Only she doesn't realize that the fact that he never gets older means he can never stay in the same place or around the same people for very long without raising suspicion, since no one knows that he - and his 'family' - are vampires. So then she wants to become a vampire, too, and then there's that whole issue between them, since he KNOWS what she'll be giving up if she allows him to 'convert' her, and he worries that she doesn't really understand the profound changes and sacrifices - not to mention PAIN - involved. At the same time, though, he wants nothing more than to spend eternity - literally - with her, too," I finished.
Super Man regarded me with wary eyes for a long moment, and then said, "Huh. I still don't get it."
"Whatever. I'm still obsessed with the story. And with Robert Pattinson. And I can't wait to see the movie. So leave me alone," I muttered, turning to my iBook to search for solace in online previews of the movie.
Human men. They just don't get it.