Monday, March 1, 2010

oops i did it again

That is to say that I forgot to post! For a few weeks! (Ack! Ack!!)

Sorry about that, friends. I have no good excuse for my lack of writing - I guess I just didn't have much to say. (Shocking, I know!)

Anyhoo, now that I'm back...

-- I have no new baby news. My period was two days late, but it arrived on Friday, much as I expected it would. Not quite as disappointed this time as I have been in the past, but then again, we didn't do IUI in February due to the other crap we had going down that month, so I figured our shot at conceiving was less if for no other reason than that alone. Furthermore, we've decided to take off another month from IUI, as Super Man has a crazy CRAZY few weeks coming up at work, and we don't want to waste any of our attempts by going through them when we're really not relaxed at all.

-- This month marks four years -- FOUR YEARS, PEOPLE -- since we started trying for Super Baby #2. Do you have any idea how depressing that is? Or how many negative pregnancy tests that comes out to? We could've taken a European vacation - or two - just with the money we've spent on pregnancy tests for FORTY-EIGHT MONTHS. Sheesh.

-- Super Girl turned 14 yesterday! I can't believe that the little girl I met at two-and-a-half years old is now a 14-year-old, starting high school in the fall. There are times when I look at her and I still see that little girl, and then I'll look at a recent photo of her and be startled by the young woman I see looking back at me. Of course, even when my eyes see the little girl, I can't help but sense how much of a rush she's in to leave childhood behind and grow into an adult. Her struggle is nothing new: we've all been there. I know exactly how it feels to want to be free of your parents' rules, the drudgery of sitting captive in classrooms learning things you may or may not ever have a need to know, and not having the freedom to do whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it. On the other hand, I also know that all that impatience to grow up was time wasted -- because, soon enough, I did grow up, and becoming an adult - while exciting at first - was really nothing to write home about. In fact, it was a lot harder than it looked from the perspective of a 14-year-old, not to mention that once you ARE an adult, there's no going back. The comparatively "easy" and magical years of childhood and seemingly endless possibility are lost, and all that's left is a lifetime of adulthood, with all its responsibilities. As such, when I see how impatient Super Girl is to grow up, I find myself wanting to tell her to slow down and cherish the next few years. Sure, she still has rules and we still have expectations of her, but at least she has more freedom and privileges from this point forward than she did in the past, and the ultimate goal is to make sure she knows how to make it in the world once she actually does reach adulthood. Mostly, I hope she will avoid making the same mistakes that all of us, her parents, have made. Of course, I realize how futile that is. And, even more, I realize that a lot of what made us the people we are today is the mistakes we made along the way. "Live and learn," isn't that the saying? Anyway, I wish my stepdaughter a blessed and wonderful 14th year and I hope that she continues to grow and mature at a reasonable pace and without testing the boundaries overly much!

-- I found this fantastic blog -- http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/ -- that I wanted to share with any of you who are also struggling with infertility, whether it's primary or secondary. I know it's not always easy, but I too have found that it helps make it hurt a little less to have a sense of humor about things. The frustration can eat you up otherwise.

-- I started working out again today. Ouch. 'Nough said.

-- I've been seeing a chiropractor for the past few weeks and I am LOV-ING it. I feel better than I have in a long time, and the best part is that I haven't had any of my killer headaches, even during my period. I can't believe I waited this long to see a chiropractor, because I've had a few people recommend it over the years, both because of my headaches and because of our fertility problems. I have no idea if it will help on the fertility end of things, but I can tell you right now that it has helped with my headaches. And I feel more energetic generally speaking having better alignment and no nagging neck, back or head pain.

Alright. That's it. That's all I've got.

Other than this: I've missed you. I will try not to stay away so long again!!

XOXO,
AESW

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